Reflection Time

Dear blog followers,

Tadiyass! That's hello in Amharic, one of the words I wanted to learn before my volunteer experience at the local absorption center this Shabbat. Definitely one of the cool parts of learning here are these opportunities.

Lately, I've mostly been talking about things I've been doing. For a change, I'm going to do something I really don't enjoy doing very much--talking about my feelings. See, this year is almost done, one more of my life, and I still can't be sure I made the right choice in attending medical school this year. It's been exhausting, to be sure, and probably would have been even more so had I been studying even half as much as some of my classmates. But with only four weeks and three tests left to pass to complete the year, I can say that I have just about completed another year of medical school still without the certainty of what I want to be when I grow up. I can also say I am thankful for a pass/fail medical school education.

Don't get me wrong. The possibilities are endless: family practice, specialty practice, pediatrics, policy, administration, global health work--just to name a few. But pastry chef, architect, construction worker, software programmer, and manny are just as viable (especially since mannies make more than doctors on the Upper East Side). I'm even looking into pursuing an MBA at some point during my medical school career so that I can better manage and administer health care over a broader populace of those in need. I hope to be able to do that either after next year or after the year after. Since I am here, after all, I should try as hard as I can to make that difference in society.

And yet, despite the potential options, I still feel uncertain. Sometimes I feel like I'm just riding the wave of school, not fully in it, just being dragged along and doing what I need to survive. Sometimes I find myself seeking out some sort of external validity, only to find that it is internal validity that I really seek. It's rough at times, but it's easier at others. Participating in LOGON's Beauty and the Beast earlier this year was a useful and fun (albeit occasionally stressful) distraction. Teaching Spanish was a great way to feel that I didn't lose out by choosing medical school over Pardes' teaching program, since I still got that chance to teach; it was also one of the only things I truly enjoyed doing this year. Volunteering and day trips, Shabbat meals, hanging out with friends (a small but awesome bunch), Game of Thrones, reading, blogging, and random other activities kept me happy and strong throughout the year. But none of these things ever hits the target of my struggle. I still don't know if this is where I belong.

Allow me to provide a bit more context. I applied to college with a strong desire to be a part of the JTS sphere and community, not really caring too much or even liking the atmosphere of Columbia. And yet, by my second year, I was regretting my decision of applying to JTS. By my third year, I was significantly more happy with the Columbia side of my education, becoming more involved on campus and growing closer with new friends there. By my fourth year, it was clear that, had it not been for CU, I should definitely have transferred out of JTS immediately. This is not to say, however, that JTS is not for everyone. For some people (especially for students who did not attend Jewish high school and had to take the old Core Curriculum), JTS had the potential to be one of the greatest programs that exists, truly the "best of both worlds." But for others, such as myself, who were languishing away in those boring core classes, it was simply not worth the money or time (or busy work) we were putting in. That's just how it is. But unlike at JTS, here I honestly do not know where I would put myself on this fence. Perhaps I need to wait and see. Perhaps, by this point next year, or in two years, I'll be happy I stayed. Or perhaps I will regret not following my heart and wasting all of this time, money, and effort. Who knows? In November, I was this close to jumping ship and leaving, going so far as to even ask if the job offer I was given at the end of last year was still on the table (it wasn't, perhaps God's way of telling me that I closed one door by opening another). The rockets, at least in that regard, came at an opportune time, allowing me a mental break to recover and recollect before returning for finals, and I flew to Japan and did just that.

I suppose, then, that I have not arrived at any greater conclusion after writing this piece, but that it shall stand as a landmark for me to look back to. Hopefully, down the road, I will laugh and never regret my decisions in my graduate school education. I cannot say for sure either way right now. What I can be sure of is that I have some great friends and family who have been my supporting anchors, despite my philosophical ramblings, and for them I will be eternally grateful. For now, though, I have to get showered, ready, and off to the absorption center. As they say (albeit informally) in Amharic, ciao! And feel free to share your thoughts with me as well--I'd love to hear them.
-David

Wow, it's already coming to the end of May...

Hey all,

It's been a while (this seems to be a recurring theme), but here I am, almost done being an M1, having somehow passed all but one of my exams (for which I still have appeals to do and only then a retake for me and my other classmates, should we need it). Not too shabby! I also just gave my Spanish students their final exam yesterday, much to their chagrin (they hated the essay writing), but I'm sure it'll all turn out okay (after all, I am their grader).

Right now, we have begun learning via the systems methodology, meaning that we cover one system per three weeks, culminating in an exam at the end of that period. Much better, in my opinion, although slacking off no longer is an option (not that it ever was in theory, which is why I'm just saying this for myself more than for you :). We're currently studying endocrinology, and it's boring, just like most of the stuff has been to me this year. I'm really looking forward to next year, when we actually get down and dirty, dissecting corpses, etc. (save anatomy, I'm terrified of that test). But you gotta learn all of this to be a good doctor, and I hope to be just that!

Yesterday was also the graduation of the 4th years from MSIH. It was so sad to say goodbye to my dear roommates, Noam and Ali, as they leave for bigger and better things in the States. I wish them so much luck! I also just filled out my summer sublet form, which will let someone stay in my apartment in July, just as I stayed in my friend's apartment last July. We're coming full circle slowly but surely, it seems.

We had a very cool Oncology week a few weeks ago, which was extremely inspiring. The doctors and professors that spoke to us really had a lot to say about the field, its trials and tribulations, and what it means to truly be a doctor (which, as I was reminded again yesterday at graduation by the speaker, Dr. Nuland, means to teach). I hope I can become a caring and loving doctor for my patients as they seem to be for theirs.

Meanwhile, I've been working a bit on guitar playing. No songs yet to attach, but I hope to at some point, if you can tolerate the terrible combination of my voice and my guitar. And what else? Oh, it's summer here, meaning it's getting pretty HOT (80's and 90's most days now), but it still has more to go. This is a desert, after all. But it's good. Perfect time to ride my bike with my new (and as of yet unstolen) bike seat (although they did steal the cover off of it--bike related theft is probably the most common crime around here, but otherwise the area is pretty safe and not worrysome).

So, that's about it. I hope everyone across the pond and the world is enjoying themselves, and I want to wish you all a hearty Shabbat Shalom! Attached are a few pics from things I did these past few weeks--Beersheva's first glow run, a huge Lag Baomer bonfire and BBQ at the Rambam synagogue, MSIH's first bowling tournament, and playing pool with a friend who came to visit all the way from Switzerland!

Much love,

-David

Blog time: Finals Edition

It's been a while since my last post, but the last month hasn't been without its fun. After a short Passover break, split between Tel Aviv, Beer Sheva, and Eilat, I returned to our final two weeks of classes prior to our month-long finals period. You heard me right: MONTH LONG. We had a Hebrew test (done deal) and a parasitology/mycology "quiz" (not at all what he said would be on it), and we're about to let the real finals begin--physiology, pathology, microbiology, pharmacology, and epidemiology--and I am ready to be done already.

Last week, I was able to participate in a rare moment of awesomeness--volunteering for an evening at a health clinic set up for those who do not have the state's insurance. Of the patients we saw, all but one were Eritrean (the odd one out was Sudanese), and the cases were almost all skin conditions (fungi, etc.). I was able to link up a lot of what I had learned in microbiology and see what I had left to know! I was also able to see how understaffed the hospital was, and how many more doctors it could use to treat more effectively.

I already knew much on the migrant situation and the blessing I was given by being born into a humble but providing American family. And yet, it was humbling to see all of these people line up to be cared for such foreign diseases that needed curing, people I did not know personally but whose stories were so familiar. These were refugees fleeing oppressive regimes. These were people trying to build for themselves a better life. But they came into Israel destitute, filled with maladies not endemic to this country, expecting a social grace too big and too difficult for the country to provide. So instead, a wall was built on Israel's southern border (sound familiar, America?), effectively ending a majority of those who traveled on foot, risking and suffering the perils of the Sinai, only to come to a halt with nowhere to go. It seems cruel, but who's fault is it? Surely not these people, since it is their government whose leader in Eritrea, I found out, seems to have gone insane. Surely not Israel's, since it has already taken in and helped many refugees who have crossed the border (some more than others, since a detention camp was built in the south with not so great conditions to temporarily fix the influx of migrants to Tel Aviv). Surely not Egypt's, since they barely have enough resources to provide for their own people, let alone thousands of foreign migrants with no education and no money. So how do you fix the problem?

This, my dear readers, I cannot answer. Words like "education," "infrastructure," "foreign aid," "revolutions," and "better leadership" are often thrown around, but they are each much easier said than done, and much easier done than done right. I hope that, in the midst of my exams, I take a moment to note that at least in this profession, while I can certainly do damage if I do not follow a just path (http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/14/world/africa/sierra-leone-graft-charges-imperil-care-and-aid.html?hp&_r=0), I can also do so much good in the world, person by person, just like these doctors do everyday in their clinic.

As we approach Yom Ha'atzmaut, Israel's 65 birthday, I can only think back to the poverty and pain that this country was founded with, and how it catapulted itself out of destitution to wealth, now filled with so many humanitarian workers providing care for the needy and the suffering. The State of Israel still has much to do, much to rectify, and much to overcome, but I can at least be proud that I study in a state that has done so much and shoots for so much more. And with that, wish me luck as I head into finals season.

חג העצמאות שמח לכולם--ישראל ב-65!!!


(courtesy of http://www.izionist.org/wp-content/uploads/en_archive/2012/06/fly-our-flag-megila.jpg)

The Ides of March are now behind us...

...but the torment of March classes continue. As the semester continues onward, I find myself in the middle of many rocks and hard places. I just finished our play, Beauty and the Beast, this past Thursday (which was AMAZING, as can be shown in the pictures), I finally have a little bit more free time at my disposal. No more 4 days a week rehearsals. No more traveling for shows in Haifa, Tel Aviv, or Jerusalem. It was fun, and tiring, and extremely hot in that suit of armor, but such is life. I'm still teaching Spanish (this coming week I have to go into work 4 times, which may indeed be a record), and my classes continue to swamp me (I have two quizzes this coming week, a lab report due, a huge project due soon enough, and I still have so much material left undone). This is, fortunately, the last semester that I will have more than one class at a time (I can only hope), so I'm really pushing to get through it, and hopefully I'll be able to. Then I can finally focus on one class at a time.
I just got a new roommate (actually, a husband and wife), a fourth year from our program, who just matched at his top choice residency program!!! I also accidentally broke a window in their room right before they got here, so we're hopefully getting all of the windows in the apartment redone, at a measly cost to me of 2500 NIS (okay, not measly at all, but that's out of the 6500 NIS of which my landlady will pay the rest, and I'm excited for new windows).
Besides that, I've been pushing to get out for pretty much every Shabbat (this week I was at my friend's house, the week before I was camped out at the beach of Ein Gedi, and the week before that I was at the apartment of a friend in Tel Aviv), trying to escape the suffocation that a place can have on you if you're there too long. It's been pretty great, and my parents are coming in this week, which is even better! I hope they'll enjoy their vacation here, too. I can't wait for Passover in Eilat (although I'm pretty convinced I've been mentally checked out on vacation this entire year). So yeah, that's pretty much it for now. Hope that your lives, dear readers, are also coming along well. So long for now!

Why, hello there February!

Dearest readers (aka Mom and possibly a friend or two),

Today marks the first time I have ever been in Israel in February. Yay to me. It is raining and cold and I'll shortly need to walk to synagogue about 40 minutes away, which will not be fun.

But beyond that, a little recap. After the whirlwind of travel (Pikachu came to say goodbye to me on my way home from Japan), I have gotten right back into the swing of things, taking and passing all but 1/2 of my finals (retake on Monday, woot Moed Bet), play practice (4 nights a week, totally just did not go yesterday), and my limited social life outside of those things. Oh, and I'm teaching español tres y cuatro. ¿Qué? ¡Sí! For the next two weeks (and today and yesterday), I am substituting for high school Spanish. It's good I kept mine up for all of these years (maybe I should start dusting off the Japanese too a little more). I can't work if I'm not really under pressure, so welcome to my world.

Otherwise, Beersheva's been rainy. With the good wet kind, not the bad rocket kind. Although the news tells us we may see some of that as well over the next few months. Stupid Syrian chemical weapons stocks. But yeah, that's life in Israel sometimes, although not truly the norm.

Ummm, what else is new? Not much, just finished the curriculum brushing for Spanish 3, and just wrote a quiz for Spanish 4. Oh, and I FINALLY booked my ticket home after my last one was cancelled by Aerosvit (which rhymes oddly well with what I think of them as right now) after three nearly sleepless nights (not kidding, only 3-5 hours each night) getting constantly disconnected due to my wonderful reception with American Airlines. And thanks to my credit card point transfer, I have a ticket to Chicago as well. I can't wait to be back in the states, but first I gotta get my workload done, passed, and over with, at least until I have to learn it all again for the USMLEs...
Meanwhile, if anyone wants to work on their Spanish, below is the first Spanish quiz for year 4, semester two. ¡Qué diviértense mucho!

Nombre: _____________________________________

Español 4

Prueba 1

1.     Si ________________________________ (I could do it),  ________________________ (I would forge) una moneda de oro con una representación de Atlantis.

2.     Alguien ______________________ (brought me) un taco, y ___________________ (I want to) agradecerle, (darle gracias) pero _________________ (it looks like) que ________________ (he left).

3.     I ran from the hill next to my house before the bombs (las bombas) fell and blew up.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

4.     While I was crying onto my thigh I said: I surrender! I was very angry (con or sin “estar”).

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

5.     With the grace of God, I fled, sitting in the background and yearning for (por) home.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

6.     I had wanted (imperfect: querer) to be firm and avid to fight for my homeland (not país), but the war undermined my spirit (espíritu).

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Happy New Year?

It's coming upon us again, a new year. A day in which, like a birthday, we put our hopes and wishes toward a better time, a better day, a happier moment. Something to remove us out of the day to day insipidity of life, if only for a moment, a countdown, a toast. I feel like it's a bit silly at times, to celebrate, to try to fool ourselves into building a construct out of life that does not really exist within us, a facade that carries us through that day as many other facades do for many others.


So this is the new year /And I don't feel any different /The clanking of crystal /Explosions off in the distance.
So this is the new year /And I have no resolutions /For self assigned penance /For problems with easy solutions.
So everybody put your best suit or dress on /Let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once /Lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn /As thirty dialogs bleed into one.
I wish the world was flat like the old days /Then I could travel just by folding a map /No more airplanes, or speed trains, or freeways /There'd be no distance that could hold us back.
So this is the New Year...
(DCFC)

The message of the artist is clear. The song depicts a disdain of life, of these celebrations. He wants to break free and go away from it all, perhaps forever. But to me, a celebration can be just the opposite of what he describes. Let is think for a moment what it is that drives us to celebrate. Is it the desire to be around people? The desire to break free for a moment? What pushes us to live for the day, to live for the future, while all other days we live drowning in monotony as the wave pushes us along?

It may be the same reason we search for love. We look for someone to complete us, someone to come along and tell us that it'll all be alright, that there is nothing to fear, that life is pure, and good, and sweet, even when the world can be so cruel and bitter, when every day we encounter hundreds or thousands of people and ignore them, people with their own problems and questions, people who, like you, are looking for a friend or a shoulder to lean on, bound by society to block any expression of that fear and longing within, or perhaps blocked of even that desire entirely.

Even as we get older, those that we have loved in years past become distant, like brothers who talk once a month when they once used to stick up for one another in school years ago, or friends who only talk occasionally when they once spent every afternoon together in the time of their youth. We build up walls between ourselves and others, out of fear. A five-year-old is not afraid to run around naked in front of everyone. A seven-year-old already realizes that society deems this uncouth, and becomes bashful. Even from our youth we feel the straightjacket beginning to push us away from ourselves. And we soon forget that that jacket was even placed upon us at all.

And then, as death and sickness approach, as time all of a sudden becomes of the essence, only then do those relationships manifest themselves once more in all of their glory. Why is that? Why did it take for the grand tragedy of 9/11 in America and 3/11 in Japan for the people to come together, to help, to feel a little closer? And why have we since grown apart? Why is it that, when a country is attacked, do the people then turn inward and focus on their own safety and security instead of that of others? The reason is not terribly complicated. It is those moments, like a birthday or a new year, that mark our living in the present, stamping us in the passage of time. In those moments, precious and few and costly as though they may be, do we truly find ourselves as bearing intrinsic value. We become in touch with our corporeality and our instincts, things that are eschewed by society. And all of a sudden, the depression lifts, the barriers break, and we celebrate, or cry, or emote to levels so rarely expressed in life, akin to the highest passions of a religious experience. And then, we recede as quickly as we expressed.

For some reason, and this I do not know, we have chosen being shelled in as the status quo. You can certainly bet that the driving force of someone jumping off of the Brooklyn Bridge is not coming from the happiest or most passionate moments in life. It is not even coming during a moment of loss. It comes from the emptiness, from a lack of true communication between that person and others around, between that person and the world. The rational mind has taken over the individual; that is the scariest part of all of it, the part that society cannot cope with. Despite the fact that we frown upon the notion of suicide, calling it utterly "irrational," the philosophers often hailed it as man's greatest achievement over nature, since no other being we know of would do such a thing, to comprehend the meaninglessness of life in our society and to cut it short. It seems to me to be irrational to think otherwise. The emotional expressions that so many seek to give and receive is forbidden at most times. It is actually within our externally emotional state that we can find commonality with others. In this case, a celebration, when apropos, is not something to be frowned upon for its wanton and fleeting nature. It is the moment when we are most in touch with the world, the moment when we realize there is actually a bigger picture than just the monotony of the self and the hidden face of the world.

So is the life of a party animal the most valuable of them all? It would seem to be the case. But I would also argue that if that person is partying not to live it up, but to instead drink and smoke and forget it all, then that person is neglecting an essential duty in bettering the world, in creating a greater community, in working to break down barriers among people instead of simply continuously breaking down one's own. To celebrate and live for the moment is one important part of life. To make it so that others can celebrate that much more, instead of living in the dust and sadness of poverty and abuse, is far greater a cause.

To be at the jumping point, to desire more than anything else in the world the cool neck of a pistol in your throat or the noose around your neck, means that society has utterly failed you. To take the lives of others is an abomination that comes from some deep-seated wrong in one's inner being (I discuss the cases in which mental instability issues are not the primary cause). I would honestly hope that a vast majority of people in this world would rather work for a collective betterment, for communal harmony, and not for more barriers. For the barriers only lead to isolation, while expressions of love and support, of grief and harmony, are lasting gifts to the human race and preventions of neglecting others by the sidelines.

May the New Year and the festivities therein be toward those better days ahead.

From New York to Chicago to Japan to China to Beersheva

I have so much to be thankful for, and even though Thanksgiving is 341 days away, I couldn't resist sharing a little bit of it. I am thankful for my family, for their unwavering support despite my wavering attitudes and my crazy thoughts (such as this vacation!). I am thankful for such wonderful friends who have hosted me, toasted with me, and roasted me with love. I am thankful for all of those kind faces and passerby who have been such help to me, like the lady who helped me with my bags in Tokyo or the couple who guided me to the Temple of Heaven in Beijing, despite their extreme lack of English. And I am thankful for American Airlines and the Oneworld Alliance who, along with two other flights, allowed me to fly a grand total of sixteen (yes, that's right) flights between November 7th and December 24th, taking me everywhere I both needed to be and did not need to be, at very reasonable prices and point values.

Now then, let's get into the meat of the trip. After spending some needed time at home to recuperate from all of the flying between Israel, New York, and Chicago, I took off for Tokyo via Boston, in order to fly Japan Airlines' new Boeing 787 Dreamliner. While it did not seem like much at first, it really was a much more comfortable ride than the average airplane. Moreover, I sat next to a Japanese woman who is a certified doctor in Japan and is taking the USMLEs (and learning all of the foreign terminology) in order to be able to practice in the United States. What a challenge! But I at least could somewhat relate, even though I am learning the diseases in Engbrew and they are not as far off from the original. We wished each other luck as we left the plane and I stumbled along with all of my bags (in total, two overweight checked bags, a backpack, a guitar, and another carried bag). I took the two hour kaisoku train to my host family and made it to their house in time to light candles for the fourth night of Chanukkah (I flew over the third) and eat a fried everything dinner. I traveled around their town, to Hakone to see Fujisan, and to the Tokyo Tower before spending Shabbat with them at yet a second host family in Tokyo. It was an amazing first week!

I then hopped on an AirAsia flight (my first of two big mistakes on the trip--I should've used points and flown ANA) to Okinawa, arriving an hour late at a makeshift bus-transported terminal (not that it was totally terrible; I mean, I am alive writing this, but it would've been nice if they had provided some water at least aboard). My good friend from home was waiting for me, an Air Force E3, and it had been too long since I saw him last. It was like a mini-America on a Japanese island--even the Japanese people there were much more pushy. But the fish was still fresh, the accommodations were nice, and I got to see some cool military functions aside from walking around Naha, seeing the American Village, and zip-lining. It really is a beautiful island with a culture all its own.

On Friday, I hopped on a ANA flight from Okinawa to Kobe (what a random route) to make it in time for a Shabbat down memory lane. It was super enjoyable and great to see all of my Israeli friends there. I then took a flight back to Tokyo on Saturday night, with the goal of playing pachinko with the hosts. While all of the pachinko places were closed, I did pass by a woman, noted her, then looked forward (while I was waiting for the light to change), which prompted her to ask, "sekusu?" While I decided not to take her up on that, it was a fantastically hilarious way to end my trip in Japan.

The next morning, I flew (in business class, waddup!?) to China on JAL, with a 9.5 hour connection in Beijing en route to Tel Aviv. Since it was a Jewish fast day, I took my kosher box lunch (a product of Antwerp--go figure!) with me, much to the flight attendants' confusion. I first went to the airport lounge in Beijing to drop my things off once I had arrived, then decided to leave the airport (having already checked in, passed through security and customs, and without a Chinese visa), working my incredible charm in order to do so. My father warned me it would be cold (it was, after all, in the 40's and 50's in Japan), so I took a light jacket, a hat, and gloves with me, having overdressed in Japan. A gust of cold air greeted me upon my exit--little did I know it was -15C that day in Beijing. Still, I trotted on, seeing the forbidden palace, museums, and sculptures from the outside, and going into the garden beside the Forbidden Palace. Beijing was a place of raw power, with soldiers in formation marching to and fro and cameras in every nook and cranny (not to mention the president's portrait overseeing it all from the gate of the Palace). Still, the architecture was pristine and beautiful. Upon finding out that the museums were closed for the day, two friends from school in the south approached me, wishing to practice their English. They were friendly and kind and showed me around a bit, and then we walked into a tea house with a private room. I was served delicious tea, beer, and fruits, all for the low cost of about 630 Yuan (to clarify, that was a bit above $100). I was sincerely shanghaied in Beijing. But it was still a grand time, and if my credit card cooperates (which seems to be the case so far), the day will have actually been quite cheap. They suggested that I go see the Temple of Heaven, but by the time I got there, it was too dark to see anything. Cold and hungry, I boarded the train back to the airport, and ate my quite delicious fish, potato salad, pudding, and snacks from the plane. I returned to check in, was questioned by a total of three El Al agents for the "suspicious goods" in my checked baggage (and received compliments for my Hebrew), stopped into the lounge to grab my things, was questioned again for the lack of security tags on those, and then boarded the plane for my super-relaxing 12 hour journey back to Israel in El Al business class, which was an amazing (and quite delectable) flight. I arrived home at around 6:30 this morning to a lovely presentation of balloons and posters by a great friend, which made me feel just that much more happy to return. And here I am, uncertain if I'm well-rested, taking care of things that need taking care of (such as replenishing my food and cage supplies for my bunnies), and attempting to study for exams that are looming just ahead, like Shelob and Mount Doom waiting for their poor, unfortunate souls to come wandering in. Wish me luck!!!

Marry Christmas to those reading for whom it is relevant, and have a wonderful day!!!